LEADING YOURSELF FIRST: THE STANDARD OF A GREAT LEADER

Emotions are inevitable, but great leaders don’t let them dictate their behavior. Leadership requires self-control—staying composed, respectful, and intentional, even in difficult moments. By leading themselves first, balancing honesty with discipline, and using emotions as signals rather than reactions, leaders build trust and protect the culture of their teams.

Emotions are a big part of our lives. From celebrations at birthdays and holidays to mourning at memorials and funerals, our existence is filled with various emotions. We will find ourselves crying tears of joy at a wedding but then one day crying tears of disappointment over a failure or a loss. Each day can bring joy, excitement, defeat, or sadness.

As leaders, have we ever considered how to express emotions when we’re with team members? Should we curse at people, belittle them, and use threatening language? Is it appropriate to cry in front of your team?

Be a Good Human

Let’s start with this basic principle: be a good human.

No matter what is said to you, be a good human. When a deal falls through, be a good human. You get blamed for something that isn’t your fault, be a good human. Allow that principle to help you be a great leader.

Guard Against Emotional Reactions

Your employees do not need or deserve the worst of you. Screaming at and insulting people you employ does not motivate them to be star players. The team will leave your office more deflated than encouraged.

Mistakes can be handled without shouting and belittling. In the heat of the moment, guard against your emotions controlling your thoughts and mouth.

Don’t Be a Sponge

At the same time, don’t be a sponge. Avoid being the person who accepts passive aggressive comments as normal and tolerates complaining and whining.

While a leader must give space to allow people to be human, that doesn’t mean individuals should have the ability to damage the culture of the organization. Candor should be practiced. Whining should not.

Lead with Respect

Be respectful. Show the team honor and gratitude. Let your words and tone be genuine, not one that is plastic or sarcastic.

The team should hear belief and strength in your voice, not frustration or doubt.

Address the Situation,

Not the Person

It’s going to happen; an employee disappoints you. They don’t fulfill the service portion of the contract or they overpromised and underdelivered. Perhaps their sales drop and you are forced to have a serious conversation.

Be direct. Be factual. Explain the situation without personal commentary on their character or worth. You can address the situation without destroying the person.

Stay in Control

Your emotions might be running high, but your words and critique should not be. This is difficult to do. Our default position is for our volume and tone to match our stress level.

Stay in control. Keep your wits about you. You can address the issues without insulting the person. This is the discipline behind leading yourself first, choosing intention over reaction even when pressure is high.

Use Emotions as Indicators

Use your emotions as an indicator. When you begin to feel a certain way, allow them to remind you to act in a professional manner. As a warning sign, they’ll give you the ability to be the best version of yourself.

Emotions are not a permission slip to tear others down so you feel better about yourself.

Know When to Step Away

If needed, take a break. Don’t think you’ll always be strong enough to handle situations in the moment. Be wise enough to know when to step away.

By doing so, you could end up saving a company, preserving a team member’s dignity, or even winning back a client.

Final Thought

Emotions are part of the fabric that make us who we are. Give those emotions space to inform, but not to distract and destroy.

Stay in charge of yourself. Your team will thank you for it, and you’ll be better for it in the long run.

Creating Unparalleled Experiences,

CHRIS ADAMS

---