BE THE BIGGER PERSON
Updated: Sep 1
Lincoln’s response to a humiliating snub from General George McClellan offers a powerful lesson in what it means to be the bigger person. Great leaders resist the urge to trade insults, score points, or have the last word. They listen, control their reactions, lower the temperature, and keep the larger goal in focus. Being the bigger person is difficult, but it is often where true leadership is revealed.
November 13th, 1861, is an important date. Not because a battle was won or lost, but due to the fact that a President got snubbed. Shockingly, the person who showed great disrespect was not immediately handled.
Abraham Lincoln was president. The Civil War was roaring. General George McClellan commanded the Union army.
Lincoln and William Seward, Secretary of State, made an unannounced visit to the General’s home on November 13th, 1861. McClellan was at a wedding. Lincoln and Seward were told that the General would arrive shortly, and they were free to relax in the hall until his arrival.
McClellan did not like Lincoln. He didn’t appreciate being pushed by the President to attack and make advancements on the southern army. The President was frustrated with the General’s performance and wanted nothing short of victory.
A President Snubbed
The General finally arrived home from the wedding. His porter told him the President and Seward were waiting, yet he did not stop and greet Lincoln or Seward. Instead, he marched upstairs and went to his bedroom.
Lincoln waited for McClellan to come down. After a half-hour of waiting, McClellan’s messenger told the President that the General had retired for the evening and would not be available to meet.
Lincoln’s secretary, John Hay, was with them that night and was offended for the President. Hay began to speak in defense of Lincoln.
The President replied, “…better at this time not to be making points of etiquette and personal dignity.”
Lincoln was the bigger man. While he was disrespected, he did not immediately return the disrespect. Lincoln chose character and the good of the nation over scoring points against a general that he would end up firing a year later.
Control Your Reaction
A standard for myself and EAG is this: be the bigger person.
Don’t get drawn into petty squabbles. Control your reactions in highly charged situations. Keep your wits about you. Be mindful not to stoop to someone else’s level.
It is fun to have the last word, which often makes you feel like you won a moral victory. But it isn’t always helpful.
Let the other person vent. Allow them to get the poison out of their system. Your goal isn’t to be right, it’s to bring the temperature down and move the situation forward. Having the last word rarely does that.
Don’t trade insults. Will you want to say a few things that are cutting? Yes. Will it keep the account or help an employee grow professionally if you enter an insult battle? Absolutely not.
Someone must be the adult in the room, and that burden falls to you.
Sometimes Leadership Means Listening
Just listen. There will be meetings and situations where you simply need to stop speaking and simply listen.
Understand what is being said. Watch the person’s body language and allow it to inform you as to their level of frustration and confusion. You can often defuse a situation by listening and then repeating back what you understand.
Once both parties understand each other is when progress can be made.
Excellence in Action
Being the bigger person in a situation is hard. This is the stuff that makes leadership difficult. But simply because it’s tough doesn’t mean you can avoid it.
Leadership and life will find a way to teach you humility. Embrace it and live it. You’ll be the bigger person. Your company will be respected, and your team will see excellence in action.
Creating Unparalleled Experiences,
CHRIS ADAMS
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